Listening

You’ve heard it in the news, you read it books & articles and of course, online. What is it to be a good listener? What does that look like? Most importantly, what does that sound like?

Nothing, it sounds like nothing! I have a degree in Kinesiology so I am not going to pretend to be a subject matter expert here. I can really only write about my own experiences and how my path has molded my outlook. I will often get a compliment from people that I have such a good memory. The truth is that I am an auditory leaner so, in my professional field, that aids me tremendously. I learn best from the things I have heard. But being an auditory leaner with great memory retention doesn’t mean you are going to be a good listener. Conversely, you can be a very good listener and not be an auditory leaner. To be a good listener is an art. It is something you need to work on and a skill you need to cultivate. And it starts with giving a shit.

Entering into a conversation, or any human interaction for that matter, with confidence is critically important. A great number of people enter into a conversation with a need to prove something or defend their “case” for whatever reason. Why not Adopt the sales mantra, two ears and one mouth, use them in that ratio. See, people don’t enter into conversations with the intent to listen. They enter into conversations with the desire to be right. Treating a conversation as an opportunity to express THEIR point and thus receive validation for their thoughts or maybe curving someone else’s. Stop it! Just be confident and comfortable with how YOU are and not force anything on others. Respond when ASKED.

Everyone is in such a rush to be correct and be the smart one in the room that they lose sight of a very important fact. “Every single person you meet knows something that you don’t.” Yup, marinate on that for just a second. Ta da – that statement confirms you should STFU and learn from others. No single individual has walked the same path or encountered the same things, therefore will have a unique outlook on life. You won’t know or discover that outlook for yourself, so unless you quite your mind and allow yourself to listen to another’s path you won’t benefit and learn.

Who, what, where, when and why? The basics right? How many times can you actually answer these following a conversation with someone? And I do mean specifics. Not that it was about the person’s mom but what was her name? Where does she live? What was the name of the Café they were in? Why is this story being shared with you and what impact does she have on this person’s life? It has meaning; it’s on their mind and they're carrying it with them, so obviously there is something there. Maybe not on the surface, but there is something they needed to say. Maybe they need nothing from you and just having someone LISTEN will allow them to reach their own conclusion, clarity or satisfaction.

But what if it isn’t verbal? There are many times that an individuals' non-verbal communication is so loud it’s crazy! Most of us can figure this one out when its anger because it is the most demonstrative / obvious. But what about sadness, loss, confusion or fear? How do those things manifest themselves inside of someone? You won’t ever know unless you listen and pay attention. If you’re not aware of what an individual normally exudes than you will not be keen enough to hear these small nuances. So again, stop, listen, and don’t be in such a rush to hear your voice again or go on to something mindless. Stay with the meaningful.

Whether we realize it or not, one of the most basic things we crave is to be a part of a tribe, to belong to something bigger. To have those that care about us and us of them. Please stop taking relationships, of any capacity, for granted. People need you and you need them! The times when you’re needed the most will rarely be asked for, so listen and be aware.

Listen. Be kind to each other and give a phuck.

It’s not always easy but you meant enough to them that they wanted to share with you. Embrace that.